In 2015, General Mills launched Minions Banana Berry cereal. Minions have been no slouch in the branded-marketing behemoth that is breakfast cereal. Don’t forget about those particular flavors as we continue the Minion taste tour, because they’re a theme. The limited-release Minion Pop-Tarts were a “wildberry” flavor, and the Minion Tic Tacs (which don’t have individual faces, but the shapes still suggest you’re eating mini-Minions) tasted like banana. The former is obviously mac ’n’ cheese flavored, while the fruit snacks are a variety pack of “assorted fruit flavors” (hmmm, mysterious). Minions have been featured in brand partnerships with a range of sweet and savory big-box products, like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Betty Crocker Fruit Snacks. Journey through the past 12 years of grocery store fare with me. Looks like a Minion, but does it taste like one? So I thought I would stare into the sun and see whether I could discern any pattern in edible Minions, whether in shape or flavor. Minion items are almost always some version of “Eat this whole guy” - or in the case of a fruit-snack pack, several whole guys with different names. But other cartoon-branded food items might come in shapes more tangentially related to a character - Spider-Man fruit snacks include masks and web-slinging hands, for example. I understand, at least from a branding standpoint: The cartoon characters’ simple shape makes it easy to put a whole-ass Minion in both officially branded and DIY cookies, Popsicles and paletas, breakfast cereals, fruit snacks, throat lozenges, and even sprinkle mixes. What does a Minion taste like? Is it the humble banana, the Minion snack of choice, or another flavor that the color yellow evokes, like lemon or pineapple? Different Minions have different shapes and different numbers of eyes - do they have different flavors? What compels a person to eat the tender flesh of a bean-shaped fellow, in whatever form? And why are so many Minion snacks premised on eating an entire Minion? I’ve been confronted by endless Minion products at grocery stores, and they’ve kept me up at night, brooding over the possibilities. They’re as inescapable as they are sanitized
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